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My partner and I are in the roommate phase. There is no intimacy, communication or romance. Doesn’t every relationship go through a rough patch? Is it too much to ask to never have the roommate stage? Yes, it is too much to ask. Relationships are made of people who are human, and have flaws. Roommate stage is an indication of change in a relationship. Change is a sign of growth, growth is needed to sustain a relationship. This change can be due to many things; a new baby, chronic illness, job/life stress, busy schedules, etc. Couples who say that everything is the same all the time within their relationship, are either not being honest or in a stagnant relationship. Which could be a sign of trouble. Even though it can be painful and confusing, take heart that there is a change in your relationship. Just remember, what goes down must come up.
What is Present During the Roommate Stage?
Several dynamics can be present during this stage in a relationship, compatibility and communication styles influence these dynamics. Couples can often recognize early that they are headed into a new stage, which means they can often make adjustments to expectations, increase understanding and coping skills to help during the time of change. Conflict is sometimes at the root of the roommate phase. When conflict is present couples are often in gridlock. Increased communication and turnings towards each other can help couples move from gridlock to dialogue. These actions will not only help relieve conflict but can bring emotional closeness and intimacy back into the relationship. Outside stress from work, money, politics, and family obligations are major stressors that impact a relationship. Many times these stressors are not within your direct control, but response to these stressors are within your control.
What Are Some Things to Communicate During This Phase?
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Communication is key during any phase in a relationship, especially during a time when there is a dip in intimacy and closeness. Discuss with your partner your wants and needs. Be ready to not only tell your partner these things, but listen to your partner with equal intensity. Past relationships, whether good or bad, can influence your viewpoint in your current relationship. With sensitivity, discuss these things with your partner due to their tendency to bring baggage into the relationships.
How Long Does the Roommate Phase Last?
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How long the phase lasts is dependent upon the action taken. Nurturing physical intimacy, increasing connectedness, and loving your partner in their love language are ways to break the cycle and monotony of the roommate phase. The energy you get out of your relationship is dependent on the energy you put into your relationship. There is no easy fix or quick answer, it will take time and hard work. The seeds you sow in your major will be reaped for years to come. At times, the roommate phase can be dictated by having children, surgery, age or chronic illness. Keep in mind that these factors are time sensitive and will not last forever. Reassure your partner that you know things are changing and you are committed to withstanding the change. Things may look different even when the intimacy has resumed. The most important thing is each partner is content and their cup is being filled when things resume. Many times during this phase couples need more support. This is an ideal time to seek counseling. At Cypress Roots Counseling we utilize the principles of the Gottman Method, a research based practice that assists couples in having a lasting relationship.
Get Help From a Counselor in Palestine, TX
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today and want to come alongside them to help them on the marathon of relationships. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals for couples counseling. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX-based practice. Get started today by giving us a call at (903) 300-2705, emailing us at jaclyn@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the Request appointment below.
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one mental health or relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling, but at Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy and Gottman Method (Couples).
