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It is a big step on the journey of childhood and parenting to send your child to college. Even though this is something that you experienced. You may not be sure on how to help them. There still may be some trepidation about your child’s well-being. Are they gonna remember to eat? Are they gonna be safe on campus? What are they gonna do if they need help? These are all very normal concerns that some parents have when they send their kids to college.
It is OK to live in a space of being so excited for your child in their next step. Then also to be scared to death to see what this world may do to them. As their parents, you have supported them through everything College needs to be no different. Yes, your support will vary from time to time. That help can look like financial, emotional, physical and intellectual. From afar, you can help your child to get plugged into campus access the resources, and to help them to develop some confidence at college. This blog will details college tips for parents.
Tip #1 Change is Good
You have been the taxi driver, the checkbook, and even the shoulder to cry on. In the next phase of college, you will go from managing every moment of their every day life to being a support from afar. Now if you have bought or are renting a home near your child’s college campus because you are so worried about them. That’s another topic.
We will focus on how to shift to being the biggest supporter for your child and not so much their manager anymore. One way can be to shift the old question of do you have any homework? How are your classes going this week? Instead of applying that they’re not on top of their work. Shift to have you even gone to class. Ask reflective questions to your child. Did you find the syllabus? Do you know when your assignments are due our study hours available for your course. These are all ways that you can shift from being the direct manager to being a support guide for your team. Not only will this be a huge adjustment for your child. It will also be an even bigger adjustment for you. Give yourself grace during this time. Especially if you are a first time college parent.
Tip # 2 Encourage Balance
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You may find yourself constantly referring to Life360 on your phone to see where your child is at. Being consumed with where your new college student is normal. Have they been able to find a social group that keeps up with their hygiene? These are all questions that parent managers are concerned with. A college tip for parents is to learn to let go of needing control. Remember, we are shifting our role to be a supportive guide.
Refer back to reflective questions when wanting to know about the school life balance of your child. Instead of what time are you going to sleep? The better question would be do you feel rested? It can be very difficult to go one day from being at home where your parents help with meals and bills and reminders. To be on campus with 100% independence and autonomy. Sometimes it’s too much for kids to handle.
You want to talk to your kids about getting organized boundaries and realizing when things may be going a little too far. You could drive to your kids college once a week, stock their fridge, do their laundry, and go over assignments with them. But what would you be teaching them? They would never learn how to do their own grocery shopping, laundry, or have course management. Kids have to be given the chance to do it on their own even when you know they may fall.
Tip # 3 Watch The Vibe
I was recently told by one of my children that the amount of vacuuming I was doing at her college dorm was killing the vibe. I wanted to make sure that her dorm was clean. So she could have a great start to this semester. I quickly did not realize that I was the only one concerned about this. I soon put down my vacuum cleaner and shifted to being a helper. This was a college tip for parents that I was not ready for. Learning when to turn the vacuum off.
Check in on them on the first day of class. Do not blow them up with calls, FaceTime, or text messages. They are busy. College is their job now you have to treat it as such. Celebrate everything they got to other classes on time. That’s a win. They’ve eaten every day. Great job find ways to be encouraging without overbearing. You may feel the need at the very beginning to text several times a day FaceTime every evening. Those things are OK. However, get in a routine with your child.
Schedule a regular time to connect with your child. Every day for just a few minutes or even one time a week. Dedicated to having a phone call or meeting for a meal. Have discernment with your child. There’s a difference between homesick or fitting in. To a possible full-blown mental health crisis. That could be manifesting a lack of hygiene, poor sleep, habits, anxiety, or depression.
Tip # 4 Everyone Messes Up
It can feel very defeating to fail an exam or sleep through your alarm. A college tip for parents is that you are not part of the solution. These are examples of messing up in college that your child may experience. Messing up is a part of life, a part of being here on this earth and we need to become very comfortable with it. There are no perfect things or perfect experiences. There is only our perception with them. Not only will there be academic challenges, but also personal issues.
Relationships that were solid when your child was at home may now be struggling due to long distance. They may not be getting along with their roommate. Loneliness may be creeping in because they have isolated. Recognize when your college kid may be messing up. Then gently got them on the path to correction. It is a hard, costly lesson to learn resilience and to have critical thinking skills. Struggles are normal. College is hard for a reason.
Being independent is hard. The biggest thing to instill in your kids is that they can do hard things. Just because something is hard, doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Work with your child through the mistakes, the hard times, the hills in the valleys. Not only will you be able to help them in their current situation but be able to provide situations for them to look back on for years to come.
Tip # 5 We Are Paying For It
There are so many resources available on college campuses. College tips for parents are also available on campus. Such as parenting accounts, message boards and even support groups. From academic tutoring, mental health, counseling, job search and even health services. It is always better to be preventative rather than being reactive. This is an important lesson to encourage your child to learn.
Tip # 6 Follow The Leader
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The communication expectation has always been you live in my house. You tell me where you’re going, who you’re gonna be with and how long you’re gonna be. When your child goes off to college parents can often feel like you are cut out. One college tip for parents is that you can express your concern, but be willing to have flexible expectations. I need to know where they’re going and I need to know where they’re at now going to college is not a license for your child to just do whatever they want whenever they want however they could if they want to. Teaching your child to learn to be safe in situations.
Allow them to set the pace and frequency for communication as a parent. You may have an expectation of checking in twice a day. We’re calling. I wanna know how you are. I wanna know your grades.Your child may have the expectation of well. I’ll call once a week, but let’s just text during the day. This can be a hard transition from a parent to go from one extreme to the other. Whiplash may, and Sue not only for you, but for your child. You can still be involved in your child’s life and offer them support even when you don’t see them every day and you’re not helping them make their daily decisions. Follow their lead. You have spent their whole lives, preparing them for this moment. Sit back, relax and get ready for a show.
Tip # 7 Not Just College
There is much more to supporting your college kid than academics. College tips for parents will have to be a broader topic. Many have a checking account for the first time. They may not even know how to deposit the check they got from Work. If they even know how to go out and get a job. Learning to budget for meals, learning how to grocery shop.
Helping them to recognize stress symptoms and to make adjustments in their life. Up until this point you as a parent have been able to make these adjustments for them. You’ve helped them out with the phone calls, research or even talking to administrators. Now is the time to support your child when they step into the role of being independent. Just like teaching your child to swim or to ride a bike, college will be similar. You have to walk alongside them, make sure they have some and then let them go on their own. You are still watching, you’re still waiting for the inevitable crash so that you can go and comfort them however they can only crash if they’re on their own. I’m sure you can think back to times in your life where the biggest lessons you learned or times when everything was falling apart.
Conclusion
Now that you have the college tips for parents, now what? Let’s start with confidence. You may not have slept a whole night since your college kid has been gone and that’s OK. It will not be the only time you will lose sleep over your child. Everyone is learning. Remember that you are the number one support and encourager. Helping your child life foundation during this critical phase in their life will benefit them for years to come.
If you have found yourself wanting to be the manager. Wanting to take over a situation. Struggling with control of not knowing where your child is who is there with you may want to get some help with that. Seeking professional counseling for yourself or your child is not a bad idea when huge life adjustments are taking place. Or maybe when there’s just a few bumps in the road for parents or kids when they’re going to college.
Get Help Now
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today. We want to come alongside you to help on the marathon of life. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX office or Fairfield, TX office. With multiple locations, Cypress Roots wants to make accessing therapy easier than ever. By offering in person appointments or Telehealth, we are removing barriers from receiving counseling. Get started today. Give us a call at (903) 300-2705. Email us at info@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the request appointment at https://cypressrootscounseling.com
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one or many mental health, relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling. At Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy, Gottman Method (Couples) Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Emotion Focused Therapy (Couples & Individual). Services are now available to Spanish speaking individuals and families. Los servicios están disponibles con un proveedor que habla español.
