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My kid wants to quit sports. This is a common issue that is heard around this time of year. Many kids start out strong. Then when the rubber hits the road they can begin to sing a different tune. There may be other factors that influence them wanting to quit sports. Many kids may say at some point that they don’t want to play anymore. It is important to get to the bottom of what is going on. Instead of just blowing them off due to fatigue or a busy few days.
Do you let your kid quit or force them to stick it out? I wish I had a crystal ball. There is not a blanket answer for this question. It must be based on the data that is present. Responding with concern and empathy is better than simply shutting your kid down. Not listening to them in critical moments can direct the health of your relationship with your kid. Quitting is not always a negative thing, it is not always the best thing either.
Why Do Kids Want to Quit a sport
There are many reasons why kids want to quit sports. It can be the pressure from a parent, a coach or teammates. It can be the number of practices, the frequency of practices or even the long distance of practices. Kids are exposed earlier to sports, than ever before. Which is great, however it does increase the chance of burnout. When a child plays on different teams, they may be a starter and then may come to their school league and may sit the bench. This confusing tactic can cause a lot of stress to the client and make them really wonder what is going on. It is great to have reflection and seek wisdom from their coaches. You may not always get an answer. . Which can be a very frustrating place for a kid to be in.
When you increase the frequency of sports and sports teams, you always increase. The frequency of coaches can make an athlete break, and if the right tools and resources are not in place coaches can make an impact on whether a kid wants to quit sports. Many times kids do sports because that’s what everyone else is doing. They really don’t have a lot of other options. However, when they do get older and they do have more opportunities, they may want to pursue other things such as working or academic activities. Sports are not the end all be all. Academic activities or even an after school job can be a great way for your child to explore options.
How Parents Can Respond When Their Kid Wants to Quit a sport
As a parent you can respond in many ways when their kids want to quit sports. One response can be denial. Denial in the fact that any dreams you had for your child are slipping away. They have the talent but not the desire. How do you respond to that as a parent? You have to let go of your perceptions and dreams. Begin to listen to your child. Connect with them on their level. This moment may be a defining time in your child’s life. It can shape how they learn to respond to difficulties in the future. Question them and get them to tell you more about what is really going on. Are there feelings hurt? Have roles changed on their sport team? Is there an alternative sport or extracurricular activity that they want to change to?
Give them the space. Allowing room for their fear and questions creates a safe space. Safe spaces are essential in parenting a child at any age. You can let them know your time frame on making a decision whether to support them or have them push through. By listening to your child, no matter your opinion, they will feel validated. Met with a dismissive demeanor is discouraging. It will lead you to not communicate as much in the future. Due to the nature of the response of their parents. You are the driver of the parenting bus. Your kid is the passenger. There will be a day when they are driving their own bus. The difference there will be they will be responsible for their choices. Allowing your kid to walk out their choices and have consequences, is the healthiest.
Kid Quits a sports:Life Lessons or Autonomy?
When your kid wants to quit sports, do you use it as an opportunity for a life lesson or give them decision autonomy. Neither option is wrong. One option is the best, for your child. Life lessons are essential in the development of a child. It is never easy to sit back and watch your child walk through the hardest season of their life. It is also difficult to have your child have complete autonomy and make their own decisions with all the confidence. While knowing that they are making the wrong choice. Do you let them learn on their own? Or make the decision for them?
There is a way to support your child when they are wanting to quit sports. They can have autonomy and feel like they are not powerless. While also still being parented, by someone who knows what is best for them. If sports are having a negative impact on mental health, pay attention. This may be driving the desire to quit, which needs to be addressed.
Mental Health is often the first to get the warning sign that something is off. If your child is in a position to listen to their mind and body, that is great. Then to know what is being said, encourage this exercise. Encourage your child to get to know what is best for them, while being guided by their parents. Quitting is not always stopping, but asserting a boundary. Learning how to set boundaries is essential for your child’s development mentally and emotionally. It is not always easy, but worth it to invest in your child.
What Is Next, For My Kid Who Wants to Quit a sports
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When your kid is told that they want to quit sports a lot of questions need to be answered. Are they in the wrong sport? Have they been doing the sport just to make you happy or someone else? Are they simply on the wrong team? We don’t always need to throw the baby out the bathwater just because the kid wants to quit sports. It doesn’t mean it’s the end.
See if there’s a different league they can get in if we’re not doing club ball. Maybe we can go local for sports .Maybe there’s a less competitive sport activity. It may help that they can be involved in one that doesn’t involve anything being high stakes or high stress. If your child has been doing a sport with a high level of activity, it’s best to not let them go to zero with no physical activity. You still want them to maintain their physical health as well as their mental health. While also remembering their preferences and their experience of sports.
Many times sports can be the whole identity of a kid. Which is fed if siblings are/were involved. . I have seen situations where kids do not want to disappoint their parents, by walking away from the family sport. What if the kid wants to do a new sport or activity. That may be a hard pill to swallow. If it is something that has never been done before in the family. New things are hard. Allowing your kid to do something new is even harder. What if they aren’t good at it or don’t enjoy it? Then what do you do? You pivot. Walking alongside your kid when they are navigating these issues in life is one of the single best things you can do.
This will be the beginning of the times in life where your child will need to pivot, expand or let go of things in their life. Equipping them with the tools, so they can be successful. No one ever makes the right choice every time. Many times fear can paralyze someone about making the right/wrong choice. Really it is about helping your child make the best choice for them at the time, with all the information they have. Not overanalyzing every possibility. Looking back on past decisions can be helpful, but not a different reality narrative or what might have been.
When To Be Worried If Your Kid Wants to Quit a sport
When you begin to notice side effects, pay attention. These can be things such as anger, irritability, anxiousness, or low mood. If you can contribute the symptoms to your child being in sports, that’s when you need to be concerned. There may not be big symptoms of what’s going on, but little symptoms over time can indicate a very big issue. All kids experience big feelings. However when they begin to affect daily functioning and have out of character behavior. Time is of the essence when your child has come to you and they are hurting. Pretending like it is not a big deal and minimizing their feelings is a great short solution to a long term issue.
As a parent, it is your job to manage the well being of your child and to make sure they have everything they need to be successful. Begin with simply asking your child if there is something they need to talk about. Was there anything specific that happened? Many times kids may not be able to verbalize what they are feeling or going through. This is when the help of a professional counselor or therapist can come in handy. Getting help is not failure. It is simply extra support when it is needed. This doesn’t mean that your child is dealing with a major illness, simply means that they have a level of impairment in their life that they are unable to deal with on their own.
A therapist can help to decode what is really going on and give guidance on how to proceed. If your child had physical symptoms that were concerning, you would bring them to a dr. Why not treat it the same way when your child is having mental health symptoms? They can also equip you as a parent to assist your child through this time in their life.
Get Help Now
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today. We want to come alongside you to help on the marathon of life. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX office or Fairfield, TX office. With multiple locations, Cypress Roots wants to make accessing therapy easier than ever. By offering in person appointments or Telehealth, we are removing barriers from receiving counseling. Get started today. Give us a call at (903) 300-2705. Email us at info@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the request appointment at https://cypressrootscounseling.com
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one or many mental health, relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling. At Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy, Gottman Method (Couples) Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Emotion Focused Therapy (Couples & Individual). Services are now available to Spanish speaking individuals and families. Los servicios están disponibles con un proveedor que habla español.
