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The old saying is true, when my child hurts, I hurt. The first instinct is to jump in and rescue them from the situation then shield them from any future hurt or side effects. This is what parents are supposed to do, right? I would never want my child to feel like I am not supportive and 100% for them. I want to take away their hurt, pain, and protect them from the trials of this world. But, what will happen in the long term? If my child never has the opportunity to make their own decisions, face hard situations and be given the chance to make their own mistakes. Would I be preparing or disabling them?
How Will I Know They Are Hurting?
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Sure, helping a child who is hurting emotionally requires sensitivity and understanding. The first thing to do is acknowledge the pain your child is going through. There are many ways that you can see if your child is having emotional/relationship issues. Verbal expression, disruptive behavior or physical symptoms that are out of the ordinary are factors that indicate that your child is hurting. Once you have recognized the need for support for your hurting child, you can then begin to lay a foundation that they can express their feelings, desires and needs. The most important thing a child can do when their child is hurting is to say nothing, but be present. Sit with them in their hurt, instead of wanting to swoop in and make everything better. There will be a time for that, but it does not need to be your first reaction.
How do I comfort them?
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Let them know it is okay to have feelings of hurt and sadness or anger. Avoid wanting to minimize or be dismissive. Simply a hug or holding is a great way to connect with your child and let them know your level of support. Once you have established this you can provide comfort and understanding that is appropriate for a parenting role. You can begin to help your child with problem solving strategies to help with their situation. Letting them think on their own and walk out those thoughts will not only help them in the present but in the future as well. The greatest thing a parent can do is to let their child learn life lessons.
How difficult will it be to watch my child who is hurting?
It will be the most difficult thing ever, to watch your child hurt over words or actions of others. You will need to fight the overwhelming urge to swoop in and clear the way for them. If parents are swooping in and being a snow plow for their child’s lives, what will be the result? You will have young adults who have no problem solving skills, who are unable to communicate with anyone outside of their family and who continue to expect the same level of support from their parents into adulthood. This can lead to a crippling habit of codependency that is difficult to break. If you are struggling in this season of parenting, reach out to Cypress Roots Counseling to get resources and support. Parenting is hard, but it does not need to be done alone.
Get Help From a Counselor in Palestine, TX
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today and want to come alongside them to help them on the marathon of relationships. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals for couples counseling. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX-based practice. Get started today by giving us a call at (903) 300-2705, emailing us at jaclyn@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the Request appointment below.
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one mental health or relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling, but at Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy and Gottman Method (Couples).
