I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped, confused and tense when I think about the events that are happening in my life. I just want things to go back to the way they were. When things were simple and predictable. Now, it feels like everyday something comes up and throws me another curveball.
Everyone has this feeling at some point in their lives, if they are being honest. Unless you are methodical, predictable and have no external factors, then no you wouldn’t. Pretty sure you would be living on a deserted island, with no one around. Since that is not an option we need to think how we can move forward when our job, people, self-development and feelings get in the way of being productive and living our life to the fullest. This blog post will help explore ways to change and shift your thinking to help guide you through the uncertainty that life brings. The process will be difficult and you will absolutely suck at it. But eventually the tides will turn, habits will be made and you will begin to feel better about your circumstances.
Be Honest About Where You Are
You have to begin to be honest about where you are. Simultaneously, you are being honest about where you are headed. Being about these two places is the first step in beginning to move forward and have peace about it. Recognizing what your feelings and obstacles are is a great place to start in discovering where you are. Once you can begin to pull back each layer it will get easier and less tedious. This is an example of a habit that will help you now, but in the future as well. Obstacles or negatives are easy to list, which is helpful because once they are named you can begin to make a plan to overcome them. Check in with yourself about moving forward when all you want to do is go back to the way things were. Just because things are changing does not mean you have to change with them. There is always a choice to make no changes. The saying is true if you change nothing, nothing will change.
What is Most Important
Reflecting on what you are doing and where you want to be is the place to begin no matter where you are in the process. Many times people are paralyzed when faced with decisions that are big or small. Always go back to what you brought you there. If you are struggling in your marriage, go back to what your views on marriage are and what you want your marriage to be. The foundation for decisions needs to be solid otherwise your life will have an imbalance that will be a heavyweight. Get a poster board that costs less than a dollar. On the board put your question or dilemma in the middle and put a circle around it. Outside the circle, put your values and motivations around that topic. When you are finished with the list, there should be a clear direction where your decision will land, if not, you need to look back on what you have written out. Also, seek wise counsel, either from a professional or a trusted mentor/friend. Reaching out in your time of need is not a sign of weakness, but of humility. Then the hard part, put it into action. You cannot make the decision and sit on it, you have to do the thing. If you decide to do something and don’t do it, you are wasting your energy and resources. Check in with yourself along the way to make sure you are in a good space and feel like you are in line with your goals.
Be Reasonable
Get ready to be overwhelmed. Not because you are unable to make decisions and put them into practice, but because you are new at this and will probably be terrible at it. The bigger the change or decision, the longer and more painful it may be. Be okay, with taking small steps and not upset at slow progress. Set goals, with real goals and limits. Make sure they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. If these factors have not been considered, you are more than likely spinning your wheels. These things will help you have momentum, which is what you need. When you start feeling progress, be proud of yourself and recognize how far you have come.
Do it Scared
Just start. Change your thinking one negative/hurtful thought at a time. The unknown can make you fearful enough to where you are frozen in place. Fear is a liar, everytime. Fear holds you back from what you are meant to do. Fear keeps you from reaching the summit where change and growth begin. The way to begin this is to recognize negative thoughts, and replace them with positive truths. This shift will enable you to reframe your thinking. Growth is change, if there is no change there is no growth. Growth is not always flowers in bloom and spring in the air. Growth can be cold, hard and difficult. We must embrace growth if we want to move forward in what God has for us. Growth can be certain at times, but others you are flying blind. Do it scared. Do not let life pass you by and live to regret your decisions to not move forward.
It Matters Where You Are
Environment matters, people matter, who you surround yourself with matters. People need people. Allow yourself to be encouraged with friends, mentors and family that you trust and respect. Do not go to your broke brother in law for money advice, why go to an unmotivated, negative friend for advice on how to move forward. Get plugged in to a group, volunteer, attend church or simply get to know your neighbors. Find strength in people who you are like minded with, but will sharpen against you like iron on iron. Good friends are hard to find, but friends that will tell you when you are wrong are harder to find. Listening to hard news is a learned behavior. Active listening, while not speaking is the goal. If you find yourself speaking more than listening, you are probably in the wrong.
Be Good to Yourself
Your body tells you everything you need to know. Your job is to listen. Make your physical, emotional and mental health a priority. Consistency is the key to maintaining good health. This will help you in maintaining long term success, instead of a short term solution to a long term problem. Recognize when you are getting to the end of yourself. You do not want to go to work or do things around the house. Irritability, stress and anger are all signs you are on the road to burnout. Do what is best for you, and then keep doing it. Mindfulness can bring your mind and body in sync. Interval breathing can help you create a center of mindfulness that aids in good health.
Conclusion
Clear focus, reasonable goals, self-priority, support systems and allowing yourself to grow are all ways to help move forward when all you want to do is go back. Surrender to the reality that you may need help in the journey. Professional counseling can help you with providing a safe space and giving positive feedback that will help you along your way. Take the first step, even if it is calling around to find a counselor or mentor. The first step is the hardest, but makes the journey even easier. Instead of looking back at what was and what might have been; step into what God has for you.
Get Help From a Counselor in Palestine, TX
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today and want to come alongside them to help them on the marathon of life, relationships, and parenting. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals for couples counseling. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX-based practice. Get started today by giving us a call at (903) 300-2705, emailing us at jaclyn@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the Request appointment below.
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one mental health or relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling, but at Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy and Gottman Method (Couples).
