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Grief or loss is a part of life. It can mean loss of a job, family member, close friend or even witnessing a tragic event that results in the loss of life. Everyone processes life events differently. I hear often, “I haven’t cried yet” or “Everyone around me is emotional and I feel nothing, what is wrong with me? Everyone responds differently to grief, some more emotionally or mentally and maybe don’t have any physical side effects. Then you may have others who feel the effects of grief more physically than they do any other thing. There is hope for healing. Is there a time where you can be fully healed from such a great loss? I don’t think so. I think it is unrealistic too, to expect that of others around us. Many times when people come to counseling they say my loved one wants me to come to counseling because they think I’m not processing this loss or I’m crying too much. The grieving process is one that is individual and not prescriptive. The sooner we can accept this reality and stop trying to put grief into a mold, the sooner we can have acceptance and grief can go a lot smoother.. Strive for complete healing from a great loss. I think the thing to strive for is how to cope, how to move on, and how to live with this great loss now. If you move forward from such a great loss that does not mean that you did not have care or feeling it just means that you know that if you stay in the same place that it will not be productive for you. Moving forward means you are taking care of yourself. Ways to do that are give yourself time this will not happen overnight within days or months or maybe even years. You have to surround yourself with support whether that’s through professional counseling, grief, support groups, or support from your family and friends. Also recognizing that you still need to take care of yourself even though you may not feel like it, you still need to maintain your physical and mental health.
What Does Grief Look Like?
There are many things with Greek that are uncertain. There is uncertainty that you can hold to grief is not linear. It is full of ups and downs, high and lows. There is no prescriptive way to grieve many times. I’ve had clients come and sit on my couch and say, please tell me how to get through this. What do I need to do? Where do I need to go? What words do I need to speak about in my life? You simply have to deal with the grief as it comes in waves, handle that wave and then prepare for the next one. This cycle sounds exhausting. That’s because grief is exhausting; it strips you of everything you knew to bring peace and comfort. There are many steps in grief. If you are finding yourself not going through one of these steps, that is OK, everyone is not the same. That is why everyone processes great things very differently. The first stage would be denial not wanting to recognize reality. The second is anger so angry that this precious life has been taken for me for the life that I want to do is now over. The third would be bargaining. Wanting to do anything, say anything, go anywhere just to not feel this great immense loss. The fourth would be depression. There are times when grief just puts you in bed. You have literally lost your will to get up and shower every day much less going to work and live your life. The fifth would be acceptance many times I’ve had clients say well if I accept the death then that means I’ve moved on and I’m over it and I don’t want my loved one to think that I could get over them so quicklyI think that acceptance of grief is acknowledging the presence but not allowing it to control your life these five stage stages are sometimes present and sometimes not. Do not discount your situation if you are not going through these stages.
How Do I Process Grief?
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The way to process grief is one memory at a time one day at a time when we get a time. It is important to express your emotions outward rather than turning them inward, which leads to suppressing grief. A way to deal with it by absolutely suppressing your grief is always an option however, it’s not always. The best option suppression works for a while, but long-term stuffing and stuffing and stuffing will lead you nowhere. Find healthy outlets to express your grief, whether you join the gym, begin to enjoy art music or even begin going to therapy. Do not give yourself a deadline for your grief just because you have to return back to work doesn’t mean you have to be done grieving just because there is a happy occasion in your family doesn’t mean you have to be done with grieving. If you found yourself going in the same circle of, I feel like my family and friends are tired of hearing about my grief. I’m tired of hearing about my grief. It’s probably time to seek professional help. You definitely don’t wanna wait until your family is sad enough we cannot listen to you one more time before this happens to get professional help. Talk to a professional counselor or licensed therapist who can help you process your grief in a healthy way. Let you know ways to cope and to guide you along the way to help you maintain momentum on your journey. Another way to process grief is through your faith and spirituality. Many times people do not lean on their faith or spirituality until they go through something very tragic. That is OK whatever brought you to face doesn’t matter what matters is that you’re there hoping in your faith to reach out to your pastor or someone in the church. That’s literally what they’re there for.
How Do I Take Care of Myself, While Honoring The One Who Has Passed?
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It is important to maintain proper sleep hygiene, a balanced diet and physical health. Many times these are the first three things that I go over when a client comes to sit on my couch, no matter what brought them to counseling. You would be very surprised at the people who do not know the importance of sleep and proper nutrition. If you do not have Sleep, you really do not have anything else.These three things are helpful in any stage of life, but most especially when you are going through an extreme loss. Going back to the things that bring you peace, joy, and relief now are these things that we can do all the time, probably not, but can we rely on them to get us through a hard time and absolutely set boundaries with yourself along with the people in your life. Begin to recognize when how many glasses of wine have I had today or how many times have I told my friends know to meeting them for dinner? You have to begin to have some self accountability if you need help with that. This is a great way for our counselor in your life to help you with this accountability. It tends to come a little better if it’s from someone who is not your friends or family, but from an objective partner. Creating a memory book or maintaining their graveside having some type of scholarship tribute or other ways to not only take care of yourself, but can help you to honor your loved one. Volunteer to a cause that was dear to their heart. Find ways to not let their memory die. You cannot only continue traditions that you want to help with your loved one, but also continue to make new traditions that you know your loved one would’ve enjoyed
Move Forward
Again, remind yourself that just because I’m moving forward, doesn’t mean that I’m forgetting. Many times I have heard how fast they moved into a new relationship or did you see that they went to the movies the day after they buried their spouse. Let us not sit in judgment of how those are grieving around us if we’ve never walked out in their shoes. We need not comment. It’s truly an individual experience with grief. Let us not take it into account that somehow we can require best practices that we all adhere to. How about let’s just all do our best whatever that may be. Don’t let yourself not experience new things because you’re afraid of being happy.Many times if you’re experiencing a slow grief meaning you’re losing your loved ones steadily due to an illness or a disease, it can feel wrong to go to dinner. Go on vacation and make love to your spouse.That gives you pleasure and you know that your loved one is not able to have that pleasure anymore. Do you still go ahead and do it? Yes you do. There is a sacred dance of joy and grief. As long as we are walking the surf we have to figure out how to walk it. It is not easy. One moment we will be uplifted and the next we will come crashing down. If this is their response to the sacred dance of joy and grief, I would say you’re doing it right. Work with a professional counselor on setting small goals and objectives for you to reach. Maybe they can be as simple as returning text messages. Or maybe committing to the process of therapy even when it gets really hard. Remember, grief has no ending. It is something you will carry with you as long as you walk this earth. Count yourself and be patient with those around you. We truly do not know the load of other bears unless we ask. Many times we don’t wanna know so that’s why we don’t ask and that’s OK too. If you find yourself being avoidant of the grief of those around you, you may wanna dial-in and see what it is about others that makes me repel grief again. There is hope there is help contacting Roots Counseling today if you find yourself in the need for confidential, licensed and compassionate counseling.
Get Help Now
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today and want to come alongside them to help them on the marathon of relationships. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX office or Fairfield, TX office. With multiple locations, Cypress Roots wants to make accessing therapy easier than ever. By offering in person appointments or telehealth, we are removing barriers from receiving counseling. Get started today by giving us a call at (903) 300-2705, emailing us at jaclyn@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the Request appointment below.
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one or many mental health, relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling, but at Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy, Gottman Method (Couples) Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Emotion Focused Therapy (Couples & Individual). Services are now available to Spanish speaking individuals and families. Los servicios están disponibles con un proveedor que habla español.
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