When I began counseling school, I was surprised to find career counseling was a required course. I had no desire to do any career counseling. I wanted to help people with their emotions, relationships and interactions. What did career counseling have to do with mental health counseling? As a new counselor, I would soon discover missteps that I had when I was studying and beginning my career as a counselor. My supervisor at the time reminded me the importance of career counseling with all our clients. Most especially male clients. Male clients and careers go together like peanut butter and jelly. Many times men seek counseling when they are struggling with their current employer, trying to find a new job or having to wall through unemployment. During any of these times career stress can affect mental, physical and even the relationships around them. They are common. They are expected. If you never experience career stress, I would dare say someone is not being honest. Career stress can impact marriages and parenting. When dad has a bad day at work, everyone knows, everyone has a job. I am not singling men out, women are affected by career stress as well. That is a blog post for another day. The impact of stress from work can be detrimental to anything but the long term effects can have generational impacts on a family. This blog post is to understand what is work related stress, is it a problem and what to do about it.
How Will I Know?
How will I know if my husband is having work-related stress? I tell clients all the time, “You don’t know, what you don’t know”. This is my nod to it is okay to not be okay in your life or family. There are some symptoms that are recognizable that can be a result of work stress: irritability, low energy, social withdrawal, quick to anger or disruptive behavior. These symptoms may describe all of us on a given day. What makes it an issue? The issue begins when there is a level of impairment to daily functioning and living. This includes work performance, family relationships and social interactions. Impairment can be found in relationships and dynamics within the home. If your partner is not wanting to do usual activities with the family, such as hang out with the kids or eat dinner with the family, this is showing a level of impairment that needs to be addressed. Ignoring the level of impairment that is going on within a family will only result in bigger problems down the road. It is difficult to face your loved one who is struggling with their daily life. However it is a necessary evil. The reason we want to address this impairment is due to the considerable effect that it will have not only on a marriage relationship, but on family dynamics between parent and children. This will then begin to spill over to your children’s friends and your children’s academic and social interactions.There is very little on this earth that is with that effect on something else. Work related stress that is causing impairment to your family is no exception.
Where Did it Come From?
When you have identified that there is work related stress with your spouse and it’s affecting your relationship we need to begin to understand what is causing the work stress. There are many factors external and internal that can affect your job performance and its mental toll on you. Some surface factors are high pressure jobs, long hours or expectations that are just unable to be met. Just because someone else can do it, it doesn’t mean that she will be able to. When we sit and compare our lives to someone else’s, whether it’s based on job performance or daily function within a family, it creates an unfair comparison. Another common issue of work related stress is satisfaction or dissatisfaction with a job. You may be doing your dream job. This is what you went to school for, spent years of training dedicated half your life and you are absolutely miserable. I don’t know what is more sad than that to look back and realize you have voiced a lot of your years.There is a natural graving process that needs to take place when you realize that your job is not what you wanted it to be. I often hear the charm. I’m just trying to find work life balance. I want to be a great parent and a great employee. I think this is a myth. Work life balance is a myth. There is no work balance when you are working full-time or even part-time and have a family. There is no shame in not having work life balance, just acceptance of what is truly going on.
The Cost on my Marriage
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Work related stress can not only lead to outward symptoms, such as irritability, social withdrawal, and anger, but also it can show up in relationships in your life. It can lead to disconnection, which is a breeding ground for contempt and resentment. We must first recognize where there is a ripe breeding ground for habits that can destroy a great marriage. When you are irritable and short tempered, misunderstandings are plenty. Recognizing that you are being short tempered and that you are perhaps not communicating well with your partner is the first sign to recognizing that there is an issue. It is way easier to get in front of an issue and be proactive. Then be reactive when you recognize you have been blindly circling it for too long.Yes there are times when work related stress is present in both partners. However, it’s probably more the case that each partner takes turns with their job due to the economy or seasons of life. How do we maintain a loving and encouraging lifestyle to our partner who is beat down with work related stress? The first is to recognize that just because you aren’t there right now doesn’t mean that you’re not already on your way to a season of work related stress or coming out of a season of work related stress, it’s having grace for your partner when they deserve none. It’s following the golden role of doing to others as you would have them do on you. Is this one of the most difficult things ever? Absolutely! What I tell my clients when they are struggling with the hard things that their life is requiring of them or that I’m assigning as homework is; if it were easy, everybody would do it and if it’s hard, that means you know you’re doing it right. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. Taking the long way around will pay off before an easy road that requires nothing from you.
How Can I Help my Partner?
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How can I be a helpmate to my partner? You may already find yourself saying, “I am a supportive partner”. I do help them. I do make up for the slack when they’re not able to do everything around the house or get to all of the chores or errands. But what does that mean when it’s still not enough. There will come a time in your marriage when you think I have already come so far, I need them to meet me halfway. Newsflash, there is no halfway. That is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Marriage is nothing but, equal. You do this much. I do that much. Everything is great, wrong. Marriage is about understanding where your partner is and where they cannot be. Having compassion for them in their moment where they can only give 10. So you know what that means? You have to come 90. Am I referring to a marriage where one partner always comes 90 every day, all day, year after year, absolutely not. That is a one-sided relationship that is on the road to nowhere. However, there will be seasons where your roles in your marriage will change and the amount of effort that you have to put into your daily life will also change. You must first lay down your swords, in the blame game. When you want to blame your spouse for the stress that is impacting your family, due to their job. Instead come together with your partner. Let’s work on a solution together. We’re a team. Teamwork makes the dream work, as cheesy as it sounds. There is nothing more reassuring in this life than knowing that your partner, the one you stood before God and proclaimed your love and affection, is by your side, every time. We think we know what our partner wants, so that’s how we demonstrate love. When in reality no one has yet to be a mind reader. Well, there may be a few, but historically mind reading is not a thing.
When do we Seek Help
Be proactive about the issues that are causing impairment to your daily functioning and relationships within your family. Is a counselor going to solve all of your problems? Make everything better with one visit? Absolutely not, if you ever sit before a counselor and they say just one meeting with me and I’m gonna solve everything. Grab your purse and run the other way they are trying to steal your money. There are no easy fixes. There is learning new ways to communicate, career counseling, and moving from gridlock to dialogue with your partner. The benefit of getting help is to let those skills build after time. You will keep putting into use everything you have learned, because life will always be trying to wreck you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s true. What will this help look like? Weekly appointments for a minimum number of visits is one way to help get lasting relief in your life. Together with your counselor you can make a personalized treatment plan based on your life and needs. It will require a level of commitment on your part. It is up to you to reach out and begin the process in resolving impairment in your life and your family’s life. It is never too late. If you are breathing you still have time. Yes, it is easier to be proactive. But that is a luxury that this life does not always afford. Get professional help today to be reactive, but in a constructive way.
Get Help Now
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today and want to come alongside them to help them on the marathon of relationships. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX office or Fairfield, TX office. With multiple locations, Cypress Roots wants to make accessing therapy easier than ever. By offering in person appointments or telehealth, we are removing barriers from receiving counseling. Get started today by giving us a call at (903) 300-2705, emailing us at jaclyn@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the Request appointment below.
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one or many mental health, relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling, but at Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy, Gottman Method (Couples) Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Emotion Focused Therapy (Couples & Individual). Services are now available to Spanish speaking individuals and families. Los servicios están disponibles con un proveedor que habla español.
