This is a common reason individuals and couples seek counseling. When ultimatums are being thrown around trouble is soon to follow. What are ultimatums? An ultimatum is a request that is required to be completed in a specific time frame or else a threat will be enacted. These requests do not have to be huge demands, but can be small in content and effort. They become a problem in relationships where love is only given if the ultimatum/request has been met. Thus the threat is deactivated. If your relationship is built on ultimatums, either large or small and love is given only when these requests are fulfilled, this is a conditional relationship. Conditional relationships are often seen as business transactions. If you do this service, I will pay you or vice versa. Instead of an unconditional love that is not measured by acts of accomplishments.
When they become an issue in relationships
Ultimatums become an issue when they are seen as unreasonable, unattainable, and manipulative. Healthy relationships are built on trust, commitment and the desire to work together to be problem solvers. When demands that are unreasonable are given, an enormous amount of energy is expended on the partner that has the threat looming over their head. Unattainable requests can often be viewed as impossible, so many simply do not even attempt, which brings the threat into play. The feeling of being overwhelmed with endless ultimatums can cause harmful effects to every relationship, your mental health and simply how you go through life. Harmful manipulation is used when you are wanting to change a person based on what your opinion/needs are. Without ever taking into account what might be the best thing for your partner.
What do I do if I am faced with an ultimatum
There are many effective ways to respond when faced with an ultimatum. Communication is key when wanting to help someone understand your perspective and feelings on a situation. Talking it out in a calm way and trying to find a meeting place that you both feel comfortable with. Many times our partner does not even realize that they are giving us an ultimatum. They are simply acting in a way that they saw their family or perhaps a learned behavior that was needed to survive an environment. When you let someone know that the requests that are being put on you are unattainable, harmful or disrespectful, it is not a bad thing. There are ways to communicate your needs, desires and boundaries that are respectful and not threatening. Many times this is when couples reach out for professional help. They have tried it their way for several years and are faced with the threat of divorce or an environment that is no longer healthy to live in. Learning tools to help you communicate in your marriage will not only help you with current issues, but can assist you throughout the life of your relationship. Counseling with a Gottman Certified Professional is a way to learn how to implement tools that bring relief. The Gottman method is research based and proven to help couples move from gridlock to dialogue.
Get Help From a Counselor in Palestine, TX
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that couples face today and want to come alongside them to help them on the marathon of relationships. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals for couples counseling. It is never too late to seek counseling for your relationship. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right with your relationship. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX-based practice. Get started today by giving us a call at (903) 300-2705, emailing us at jaclyn@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the Request appointment below.
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one mental health or relationship concern. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as ADHD evaluations. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling, but at Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy and Gottman Method (Couples).
