Why is parenting so hard? Parenting is a journey that many sign up for and have no idea what lies ahead. Other times the parenting journey begins unexpectedly, whether you were planning on having kids or not, adoption or kinship care. No matter how your parenting journey begins, whether it was planned or unplanned there’s always help and support. It can be rewarding. It can also be the most costly journey you will have in this life. It can bring fullness to your life, as well as take from you. The saying is true that the days are long, but the years are short, but what do you do if the days are only long? If every day is just as long as the day before? The exhausting journey of parenting, dealing with issues here and there, whether at school or home, friends or technology, can be a never-ending cycle. Where do you turn then? All parents, no matter what age their kids are, face many struggles. Whether it’s a tantrum from a toddler, disruptive behavior from a kindergarten at school, getting caught with a vape at middle school, sending inappropriate pictures or simply sneaking out. No one is immune to struggles as a parent. When these issues happen it can make you feel lonely, like a failure and that no one around you knows what you’re going through. The most important thing to do in parenting is to not parent alone. Just because you reach out for parenting advice whether they’re from a professional counselor or from a loved one does not equal a sign of defeat it actually equals a sign of humility, which is a requirement in being an honorable parent to your kids.
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The Emotional Toll of Parenting
Parenting is too great a burden to bear on your own. One minute you’re consumed with taking care of their physical needs, also while making sure they know how much you love and care for them the next. You’re worried that you have failed them in this area due to some behavior or action. There are a lot of unknowns with parenting, but one thing I can absolutely assure you of, bad parents don’t seek help. Parents who are stubborn won’t seek outside input, they only see their way or no way. They’re going to be a lot of issues presently and in the future. Being a parent is one of the most exhausting jobs that no matter if you work outside the home or not you always have to be on as a parent. Everyone needs dinner. Someone is sick. Someone needs to go to the doctor or the dentist or the eye doctor and somebody needs some clothes washed. It can be exhausting to be a parent not only physically but emotionally. Sometimes in our journey of being a parent, we can get lost in the role of a mom and lose our role of self. The term self-care is often thrown around as well. You need to take care of yourself first, which is all very true, taking care of yourself makes you a better parent. You absolutely cannot pour from an empty cup and this also applies to parenting. Sometimes there are consistent thoughts of am I a good parent? Am I doing the right thing? Should I have done that differently or would it even matter? These are often questions that parents ask themselves when they’re going through a hard or challenging season with their child or children.It is always good to reflect and see. Is this working or is this not working? A professional can absolutely help you with this reflection, not only to be a third-party with an outside eye and ear, but to give advice on a path forward.
Am I really in charge?
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Bringing your new baby home from the hospital can be one of the most terrifying times. You have only been a parent for literal hours and now you’re interested in this human being. They’re every need is in your hands. They’re survival is in your hands. It can be very overwhelming, children are not cookie cutter. Yes there are programs books podcast on how to be the best parent best practices and so on, but when it really comes down to it is you and your child as a parent, you know your child better than you know what is good for them you know what is best for them children are so unique and how they handle situations how they perceive things and how they make decisions anyone with multiple children can tell you you cannot parent all children alike. Yes, you can have the same framework and foundation, but every child is different. Therefore, parenting needs to look different as well. Recognizing the different stages and goals that children go through in life are very important when thinking about parenting and making best decision decisions. Remember when they were an infant and you were on the schedule, things were going great. You know how to calm them down, how to satisfy them, then boom a month later everything is different. We’re wearing different clothes. We’re eating a different amount. We have a different sleep schedule. We aren’t the same as before. Although the older your child gets the changes will not be quite that drastic. The role as a parent is always changing because your child is always growing. If there is no growth, there is no change. You are in charge of the growth of your child. You can tend and care for the soil or you can have a hands off approach and just let it do its own thing however as a parent, you have an integral role in the life of your child.
From the outside, looking in
We have all made the assumption or the judgment at a restaurant or at a shopping center. There is an out-of-control child and we perceive perhaps the parent is not doing the best that they could do when in reality maybe it’s nap time maybe the child’s not feeling well maybe the parent had no choice but to bring their child with them and it’s the only chance they had to go to the shopping center at that time, social expectations that parents place on themselves and are placed on them from external factors can be dictating as a parent. Yes it is advisable to be influenced by things however, we need to be certain that we are parenting from a moral foundation of our own and not that of someone else. On social media, there’s a trend of aesthetic, calms and aesthetic, parenting or beige moms beige kids. This is setting a false narrative for families and mothers that your kitchen is always clean. Your children are always put together and your house is always neat when in reality a kitchen that is always clean as a kitchen not lived in a home that is always clean is one that is not lived in on social media the other day a friend shared. How do you keep your house clean with two young children, their responses varied however, the thing was the same stop trying when you’re in a different stage of life with your kids whether they’re very young or their teenagers things will look different and we have to adapt to that.Not be so influenced from the outside Weather from social media, friends family that we lose sight of what’s really important and what’s best for our children. There’s often the conversation of how does a working mom do it all? How does she make a parent-teacher conference and have dinner on the table? How does she make the volleyball game and be there to tuck her kids in at night? There are many resources that are available to Mom’s to help make it easier to do all the things, but when in reality there is no balance to work life for parents, they’re simply times when you have non-negotiables where you decide. I’m never missing this and then you have the things of hey I’m gonna let that go. That’s a constant conversation that you have with your children to impress upon them. I’m here for you. I love you. I support you however I do have to work and so although I may not be able to attend whatever set event, I will make it to this event. It is also true that no achievement outside the home can ever make up for a failure inside the home. As parents, we need to accept that there is no balance, that we will drop a ball whether it’s failing at home or failing at our job, but we have to continue on the road and trust that there is an even flow.
How am I gonna make it through?
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The first step is to accept the things that you have no control over and that you cannot change. Your child gets it. You will need to continue to release control over their decisions, their words and their actions. This is so difficult as a parent. You do not want to see your child fail or make poor decisions, however, is it really helping your child when you go before them to be a snowplow parent to clear all the problems. Send the email, send the text, handle their conflict for them so they don’t have to deal with anything. I think this form of parenting does a major injustice to our children. We are setting them up for failure as an adult in the workplace or even as a young adult in college. We have to prepare our children to handle conflict to make hard decisions to choose between things that they love and focus on what is best for them. Seeking help from family friends, community groups, resources or even your church are great places to get support when you’re in need. So many times as a parent, we don’t know how to ask for help or even accept help when it is offered on the flipside. I think many people don’t know how to help. They don’t know how to step in.During a time of reflection, try to narrow in on some issues that you’re having in parenting then at the very top list the most important issue that you’re having when reaching out for help focus on this whether it’s school pick up or disruptive behavior at school or issues with bedtime or waking in the morning. Yes, these are small issues that don’t take up a lot of time, however, can have a huge, emotional, physical and emotional toll on a parent seeking help from a professional cannot only help you with this reflection, but help with minor tweaks to your day and parenting to help things go smoother.
Get Help Now
At Cypress Roots Counseling, we understand the struggle that individuals and couples face today and want to come alongside them to help them on the marathon of relationships. By scheduling a consultation you can meet with a therapist to discuss your needs and goals. It is never too late to seek counseling for yourself, your relationship or your family. Trust your instincts and the feeling that something is not right and get help today. Our team would be honored to offer support from our Palestine, TX practice or Fairfield, TX location. With multiple locations, Cypress Roots wants to make accessing therapy easier than ever. Get started today by giving us a call at (903) 300-2705, emailing us at jaclyn@cypressrootscounseling.com or by clicking the Request appointment below.
Other Services Offered at Cypress Roots Counseling
We understand that you may be dealing with more than one or many mental health, relationship or parenting concerns. Cypress Roots Counseling offers individual and couples counseling, as well as parenting help. Ethical, professional and confidential services are what you will experience at Cypress Roots Counseling. There are many types of counseling, but at Cypress Roots you will encounter CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), Solution-Focused Therapy, Gottman Method (Couples) Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Emotion Focused Therapy (Couples & Individual).
